On the unofficial fantastic Teams updates #1 (Nanowrimo 2020)

2020, Nanowrimo, I’m trying it again. Since 2011 every few years, once I got until the half of the 50k, but I never finished. This year, I probably won’t finish it either. But those who don’t try, will never succeed. Nanowrimo is the crazy challenge in which you try to write a book, or anything, no matter the genre, in one month. 

For this year’s edition, I’ll be focussing on the new series of unofficial fantastic Microsoft Teams updates. It all happens in November and every day new updates will be available for the grand public. The features will be fantastic in any possible way and they will lift the user’s experience and daily use of the software to a higher level. This is something the world has never seen before. It will bring people together. Finish arguments. Unite and reunite worlds. Break the barriers of distance, obligated quarantines, and most of all it will bring back joy in people’s lives. No matter where or when you are. If you are breathing this or that air. If the sky above is dark or bright. Microsoft Teams will provide the update you’ve never even dared to dream of. 

The first update, on the 1^st of November, for many people known as All Saints’ Day, focusses on our bond with the people who passed away. I’m writing on edition to honour a friend, who died in an unfortunate car accident two years ago and who is still very present in my mind and in my heart. I think about him so often, I see him in daily activities, joyful and sad. We were supposed to still do a shitload of fun things together. He was my favourite cat sitter, my cat liked him. She doesn’t like a lot of people. He was a bit of a fantasist, believed in crazy things, but that made it even better. He was honest and a dreamer. He had a pile of dreams that couldn’t be realised. I think he would have liked this Teams update. So, Oscar, great warrior, it is dedicated to you.  

Last night, ghosts and many of their variants roamed about in the streets and came into our houses. Today is that day, when we are supposed to close the doors and accept that the people who have passed away will not return. Should it only be that? Do we really have to accept it all? What if we could still contact, talk and exchange? And I’m not talking about fancy people in tents who mediate communication with lost souls and their kind. There is no need to bring a fog into your room, light a bunch of candles and risk burning your house, no need to dust the wiccaboard. With this Teams update, you’ll be able to really talk with the people on the other side, with those who are dead. 

From today on, with Microsoft Teams, it will not be necessary to fear about not being able to say goodbye. No, this update won’t bring the people back, but with the interface, a new connection can be made. This update enables to build bridges between the dead and the living. Unfinished business can be dealt with, inheritance issues can be solved, goodbyes can be said to loved ones and hellos to the dearest newcomers in family and circles of friends. 

We’ve been working on this update since December 2019, and it is finally complete. It took months of research on this planet, but on the Moon too! Read on to get to know more about that. There were new laws to be voted on a universal level. It was crazy. In all secrecy, presidents, kings and queens, religious leaders and representatives of diverse groups came together to discuss the matter. This Counsel of Afterlife Communication  (CAC) searched for answers on: How can this new technology be legal? Is it ethical? Are there any religious consequences? But here we are, a conclusion has been made. A dream came true. The time has come to update your Teams app and click on the new “update center” button. 

How does it work? First you have to update your app to the latest version, so you’ll get access to the newest update panel in which the most recent add-ons will be displayed. Then you open the app which has the logo of Earth with an arrow that goes outwards. Teams will briefly close and reopen in a parallel version that is connected to the Transuniversal line. Type in the full name of the deceased person and the date of passing in the foreseen space. You’ll get the opportunity to chat, call or videocall. For the videocall, different images may be possible, as the CAC agreed with the deceased that they can choose their own visual representation. 

It is important to note that it may be possible that certain people cannot be reached, as everyone has the freedom to disconnect definitely after their death. This may be because of religious reasons, or because of TJHES (They Just Had Enough Shit), which is understandable and a choice that can only be respected. 

You may wonder: how is this incredible update made possible? It is all thanks to the newly discovered material “Comciam” that has been discovered under the surface of the Moon. This was mined in all secrecy by the LAC (Lunar Activity Company). They are a private company that is specialised in extra-terrestrial materials and they sold the exclusive use of their unique discovery to Microsoft. With this we were able to construct the “Transuniversal line”, a new communication line that connects the living with the spiritual world. Receivers have been put all over the world so every single human can make a connection if they wish so. 

We found that people suffer too much from not being able to see or contact their loved ones. The new update, Talk Beyond, helps to ease that pain. On top of that, questions that have been on for ages can finally be answered: is there life after death? Which religion was right? Are atheists right? Beware that a variety in answers is possible depending on the person answering. For the moment, the CAC has not gotten any definite answers on these questions yet, but maybe you’ll get them once you’ve exchanged with your late family or friends. 

A note on historically important people, criminals, great thinkers and other (sadly) very demanded people. Certain people are not directly accessible, because of the big demand. It will be necessary to fill in an application form via the CAC to contact these people so their personal apps will not be overloaded. We understand our client’s curiosity and eagerness to get answers to their big questions, but we have to protect our dead people too. For your information, we have not yet been able to contact Elvis. There is no certainty if he decided to disconnect or if he isn’t dead after all. 

We hope you will enjoy this new fantastic update as much as we do! We’ve run quite some test rounds and it brought us comfort and the possibility to arrange some beautiful reunions: parents and their lost child could express their love. Two brothers who didn’t talk in years, could meet and say sorry, as one had passed away in silence. Peace came into the hearts of many people and it could come to you too. 

Don’t forget to check the newest update enter, it is a new panel on your Microsoft Teams app, where all latest updates will appear. Every update has his own pictogram, so you can easily navigate between them. We’re eager to present you: Touchr, Smelz on Teams, Paperclip and many others.